I heard you today

I heard you today. Hurray for voice chatrooms, I guess. I shouldn’t have, but I did it anyway. I’m sorry, I lied about no more stalking. The forbidden fruit was too inviting.


It seems you are living your life just fine.

I wonder how many days it’ll take until you’ve completely forgotten about me.

I wonder whether I’ll ever get the reply you said you were going to give.

Every day my doubt grows.

But every day I still catch myself thinking about you.

I still calculate you in my life when I’m thinking about my new apartment. How to place my furniture. How to fix the problem with the steps in front of the stairs. Wondering whether your wheelchair will fit through the bathroom door.

And I don’t even know you’ll ever enter that apartment.

Let alone enter my life again.

I still believe you will. I don’t think you’ve completely erased me from your memory yet. But hearing you today, my doubt grows. You seem to be doing just fine. Since you never adapted your life for me anyway. So it’s easy.

And yet.

I keep hoping.

Because you said “It’s a lot”. But you never said “It’s too much”.

I keep hoping.

And I keep hoping.

And I keep hoping.

I must be out of my mind. Oh wait.


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